i'll meet you at the Denver show

with your long blonde hair, girl, let it flow.

"she wore a little black dress in the middle of spring,

sitting outside on the front porch swing.
(so i stroll on by like the summer breeze,

 noticed she was poppin' to a t-pain beat)"

"i first saw you in a video,

talkin' bout how you had to let him go."

i might be elaine benes irl.

i am too proud of my best friend for working so hard this year, even though i have tried to distract her since the 26th of march, 2011.  i miss my little sister, i can't wait for her to be a little older so i can show her all the music and film that makes me happy.  i should learn to capitalise but don't you think the little i's are cuter?  i wish my favourite band still played little shows where i knew everyone, and we would all laugh and dance but stuff changes, heck maybe all the people i knew changed too.

"like a firework flash on the fourth of July,
she wore the sunset falling from the summer sky."

write me songs and tell me stories and sing when the sun goes down, please.
i think if i had a little more guts i would run away to florida, and live in disneyworld.

"the prettiest scene is you just marrying me"

i will grow my hair long, it will be blonde or red and long, long, long, i will go back to new york and explore and eat and learn to cook american food and be american. i would love to be american, i would to live in suburbia somewhere in the middle states.

even though i know i won't see bright eyes or death cab for cutie i can listen to them as much as i want and i'm lucky for that.  i shouldn't be sad just because i can't see them, they are still very real even if i never see their faces.  gosh i had awful nightmares last night.

"i loved your son for his sturdy arms."

I decided I like this blog better than the other one, but I bet I'll change my mind again.

"The self-loathing and shame had ceased to be even slightly productive, but it was too late to go back at that point, so I just kept going. I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse."

I don't like people who follow things blindly,  who worship something because it's easy, be it a god or a celebrity or a 30-day-guaranteed diet plan.  I don't like people who don't like what I like as much as I like it.  I like being in love with the things I like, I like watching Seinfeld and cuddling cats.  I enjoy imagining elaborate revenge on the people I hate, I like little bakeries that smell like butter and sitting in front of a heater after showering.  I like most of my body, I wish that magic was real and I should make more music than I do but it's SO tiring that it makes my soul ache all over.

me, i'm not a gamble

"the girl who didn't make any sense...

how could i resist?"

sometimes i can't and won't do anything but sit and wish.

my whole world is waking up

but time is moving rather slowly.

when i hurt so bad:

you make it.... easy?

it's easy as 1, 2, 3

i want these looks of love without fear and without other.
i want to be able to sleep.

i don't wanna go.

simple.

"and I'm not sure what the trouble was, that started all of this,

the reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did.

it's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live."

god, do i understand fully what i get myself into?

no, never.  

"the mask i polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.

and i know you have a heavy heart,

i can feel it when we kiss."

what did you say about running before we were walking?

"Here we are in our Summer years,

living on ice-cream and chocolate kisses.

Would the leaves fall from the trees

if I was your old man,

and you were my missus?"

(I'm celebrating my love for you

with a pint of beer, and a new tattoo)

i said "kiss me, you are beautiful"

I AM STRUGGLING.

i miss you.

poetry and romance and magic and creativity don't mean much when i'm stuck in a place like this.

"sometimes i wonder why
i am so full of these endless rhymes
about the way i feel inside"